5 Simple Tips to Keep House Monkeys Happy

I think we can all agree that if the House Monkey isn't happy then no one in the house is happy. I thought I would give you all a few tips that will keep your House Monkey happy. I think this would apply to both male and female House Monkeys - just common sense.

Photobucket1. Put your dirty clothes in the designated place. For us we have one hamper that all the clothes go in. I am sure your house has an equivalent place. Oh, and don't simply aim at it, allowing it to stay on the floor around the designated place. It isn't horseshoes, you do not get points for getting your dirty underwear close to the hamper

2. When your House Monkey asks for your help, he/she means NOW! Not on the next commercial, not in a minute, or a sec, or in a bit. Think about all your House Monkey does in a day WITHOUT your help. If they are asking for it is because they REALLY need it!

3. Take your trash to the trashcan. See tip #1 - the same rules apply.

Photobucket4. Rinse all bathroom surfaces you dirty. If you shave in the sink - rinse it, this includes the counter around the sink. Same goes for the bathtub. A simple rinse after your shower or bath can save your House Monkey time when he/she is cleaning the tub this week. If you pee (or for goodness sake's poo) on the toilet seat wipe it off. Would you want to touch someone else's pee and poo?? Help a Monkey out.

5. Rinse your dishes. How long does it really take to rinse the spaghetti sauce off your plate? Your House Monkey already cooked dinner and is going to have to wash the pots, pans, table, floor, counters, and (if applicable) the kiddos too. Give your House Monkey a break and take 30 seconds to rinse your dishes.

I bet if you take these 5 simple tips to heart, your House Monkey, and thus your family, would be much happier. Remember they are your House Monkey not your personal maid.

Funny Video

12:04 PM by pthsmonkey 1 comments
I found this via Bossy Betty. The video is amazing and fricking funny! Thanks Betty for sharing.

Downward Spiral

9:06 AM by pthsmonkey 3 comments
I guess it is no secret now that I suffer from chronic depression. I am on 3 different anti-depressants and for a long time I was doing okay. Then something snapped. I started missing work and school to lay around the house all day. I dropped out of school thinking if I took some stress out of my life things would get back on track. I took a lighter load at work and decided to take care of me a bit. It didn't really help.

Now I am facing unemployment right before we pick up our lives in 87 days and move to a new town. I am scared, confused, and yes...depressed. I had to talk myself into coming to work today. Then when I got here all I wanted to do was run back home and get under the blankets.

I gave up most of my vices for "healthy alternatives". I stopped smoking, which got replaced with healthy food. (BTW I got fat!). I gave up drinking adult beverages for...wait food again. damn. I gave up going out on the town and flirting with boys that were not good for me for living with a wonderful man who loves me. Now I am addicted to food mmm french fries and taking 3 different antidepressants just to feel halfway normal. I have so forgotten what normal feels like.

Don't get me wrong internet, I am doing better than I was 2 years ago. I am not an almost-functioning alcoholic. I am not working a job I hate for shitty wages and getting bit by snakes on a daily basis (that is a another post). I feel secure in my relationship for the first time in a very long time. I have close friends that won't stab me in the back if I loose the grip on my crazy (unlike my former friends - total assholes). I have a really great life, and it could be soooo much worse.

I am really satisfied for the most part, I am not sure what is going on. I know that I am starting to spiral downward again and I want to stop it before it becomes out of control.

On the bright side - I actually am aware that I am starting the spiral instead of ending up in the bottom of a bottle of vodka and looking for someone to save me. I am trying to save myself. Score one for the House Monkey!

Stop Asking Me!!!

We are moving to College Station in 88 days. Boyfriend and I are very excited. I can't wait to get to where there are hills, and flowers, and trees, and a breeze. I love the fact that College Station is a small city - everything is within minutes instead of hours in traffic. It is small enough to be a small city, but not so small that everyone knows your business. I like that. I like it a lot.

I love the apartment we picked out. I am happy that Boyfriend gets his own space, and in turn I get my own space while he is in his cave (otherwise known as his office). I get a bigger kitchen and an extra bathroom. There is even a fitness center there! I can work-out! (Because we all know that the reason I am fat is because my apartment now doesn't have facilities to work out. Right?)

I am so psyched, I stay psyched - all the time. That is until someone pops the question, "So, what are YOU going to do in College Station?"I get flustered. Yes, Boyfriend is going into the Ph.D. program. I am so proud of him for getting accepted and moving forward with his education. I am ecstatic! However, I am going to support him. Why is that so wrong? Why do I have to DO something. Why can't I just be a house monkey? I am getting pretty good at it. I figured out how to play Sims 3 and get the laundry and dishes done. Plus I had dinner ready when Boyfriend got home from work. I say that is a pretty good house monkey.

But people expect me to do something more. To go back to school, I mean I will live minutes from Texas A&M, why wouldn't I want to go there. I can't just tell people I am crazy and I need the time off to screw my head on straight. I mean I don't know these people well enough to tell them that the stress of going to school is just too much for me right now and that is why I dropped out.

Mostly I just shrug and say I don't know what I am going to do until we get there and settled. Mostly that is the truth. Mostly. I want to be a house monkey - yet people turn their nose up at that.

See we don't have kids, don't plan on any - ever. We aren't going to get married, no plans of that - ever. So they ask, "Why do you need to stay home?" "What is there to take care of?" How about the house, Boyfriend, and let's not forget myself. Staying home makes me feel like I matter more. I get to take care of Boyfriend! I enjoy making his meals, making sure he has clean clothes to wear and a clean bathtub to bathe in.

It is a win/win situation for me. I get to take care of Boyfriend while taking care of myself. I have time to breath now. I can nap if I need to. If my depression gets to be too much I can stay home and not have to pretend that everything is okay. Why is that so wrong?

Do house monkeys need babies to stay home? Can't a crazy house monkey stay home so she doesn't throw proverbial poo at people?


I am taking one of those much needed "me" time breaks. I have cleaned the bathroom, put dinner in the slow cooker, done the laundry and the dishes. After all that I even managed to take a shower! I think I have fulfilled my house monkey duties for the day. So I decided to watch a movie on Netflix.

I scanned through my instant queue and found nothing. I just wasn't in the mood for drama or romantic comedies. I didn't want to watch a horror movie or a thriller. What is a girl to watch when she just isn't in the mood to watch anything?

I picked Julie and Julia. I have been wanting to see it ever since it came out. It is about a blogger that blogs her way through "Mastering The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child. Have you seen it? If you haven't you HAVE to. I related to both characters immensely. Julie the blogger, who doubts herself and her abilities. Julia Child - well we all know Julia! I smiled the whole time I watched it. I can't tell you much about the movie - I don't want to spoil it for you. Trust me people, it is one of the best movies I have seen, ever.

I learned more about Julia Child and myself during the movie. I wish I could share without giving away the movie. I don't want to spoil it for those that haven't seen it!! If you have seen it email me, I would love to discuss it!

Time for Me

7:45 AM by pthsmonkey 3 comments
I have never been good at taking time for myself and not feeling guilty about it. I mean sure, there were times when the depression got so bad I had no choice but to lay in bed and hibernate while watching daytime talk shows. But that wasn't really "me" time. That was "I can't possibly do anything else but feel like a pathetic lump on the couch" time.

I have been trying to take better care of myself as of late. I am not sure I am doing it right. I am still stressed out at the prospect of not having a job over the summer, I am still stressed out that the house isn't Martha Stewart perfect, I am still stressed out about moving... I must be doing something wrong.

But if I stop to think about it...really think about it. I have gotten way more done lately than usual. I have been doing laundry, dishes, and floors. I cleaned out the closet and today I am bleaching down the bathroom (how does urine get on the wall in front of the toilet?) I have cooked dinner, and made jewelry. I even got my Wii fit out of the closet and used it 3 times now! I KNOW!

So maybe there is something to this taking some time out for yourself thing. I guess the lesson here is that life is stressful - no matter what. Taking time for yourself helps you gain the strength to face the stresses and not feel like that lump on the couch.

**This public service message has been brought to you as a reminder to take a few minutes for yourself!**

Moving Forward?

I found out a few days ago that due to budget cuts I might not be able to work at the college this summer. I have worked there for 5 years and absolutely love my job. I love the people here, I love the fact that I don't have a boss that breathes down my neck, I love what I do and how we do it...

More than the loss of income, I will actually mourn not having THIS job. It is great.

I knew that when we moved to College Station I would have to give up this job, I struggled with that decision for a few weeks. But now to have it ripped away from me before I am ready - well it is kinda like having a loved one die unexpectedly.

Now I am looking for a temp job until we move and nothing is going to measure up to working here. There is still a slim chance I won't have to move on until the end of the summer - but very slim. I need all the good vibes I can get!

Aggieland Reality

So we got the news this morning that our deposit check has cleared and we all set to move July 26th! I got excited all over again! I mean wait until you guys see this place. It isn't anything fancy, two story, 2 bed, 2 bath. Then reality starting sinking in. I mean moving to Aggieland means giving up this great place in Humble....

These are the things I will miss the most:

1). Only having one bathroom. I won't get to share the bathroom with my dear BF anymore. No longer will I have to fight the hair in the sink to brush my teeth, the hair encrusted hairbrush left lovingly on the counter, or the stench of other people's poop. *sigh*

2). Living on the other side of the fence from a sewage treatment plant. I mean no more opening my windows to allow the nice spring breeze in only to smell a whole city's worth of poop!!

3). Living in Continental's "on approach" to Bush-Intercontinental Airport. We are directly I mean DIRECTLY on their flight plan. CONSTANTLY! It is hard to hear each other some nights!

4). Living in "the ghetto". We don't live in the ghetto. I have lived in the ghetto. However there are always notes by the mailbox to give residents heads up about the current misfortunes of others. Car vandals, thieves, and let's not forget the Easter Bunny incident where someone actually killed a rabbit and nailed it to someone's door on Easter Morning.

5). And last but not least (and the BF agrees) is spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT with my BF. Right now we work together and live in a tiny one bedroom apartment. We are always up each other's ass and it is going to be nice when he has an office (where I can send him when he gets on my nerves) that he can have his space and I can have mine. We have even joked about putting a "No Girls Allowed" sign on his door!

But I think what I will miss the most about this place is the Hispanic maintenance man who comes in looks at the leaky toilet or the burner on the stove that won't lite and says "no missus it worky it worky" and leaves. What will I do without him?!?

All kidding aside I am totally psyched (yes I am a child of the 80's so what!) to be moving. I can't wait!

I hate it when that happens...

I spent the whole day deep cleaning the kitchen. I uncluttered the cabinets, threw out old spices and washed the spice bottles and the spice rack. Cleaned the toaster oven and the inside of the microwave. I scrubbed the inside of the microwave and degreased the walls and vent hood. I cleaned off the bar, wax and all (for step by step wax removal see here) and cleaned all the jars that pasta and rice goes in. I spilled the pistachios while trying to rearrange the shelf so I had to vacuum them up and then I washed that jar too....

Yet for all my hard work the kitchen looks exactly the same as any other day when I clean it. Why did I do all that work again?

Yes Mother, I can iron!

11:40 AM by pthsmonkey 4 comments
I don't iron. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I do not iron. I don't even own an ironing board. If the wrinkle fairies that live in the dryer can't take the wrinkles out then I don't even bother with it. I do, however, own an iron. Why? Because silly - every good house monkey should have an iron - duh!

So today my candle holder cracks and candle wax pours all over the counter top on our bar (this is a huge deal because we aren't supposed to burn candles in our apartment - it is in the lease!) I jumped to work and tried to clean it up, however, I just made a bigger mess when it was wet (and hot I might add - ouch!) So it occurred to me I was going to have to let it dry first, but I am way too lazy to scrape it off with a butter knife. So what am I to do? Why Goggle it of course!
After an exhaustive search (by exhaustive I mean first link) I discovered you can iron a napkin or paper towel to get the wax of your counter top! This is great news! I have a counter top with wax on it, paper towels, and stuffed in a closet somewhere there is an iron!

After searching for 15 minutes to find my iron I decided that this was going to be a funny ordeal so I decided to document my progress for prosperity and so that all of you can laugh at me with me.
Here is my counter with all the wax on it. It wasn’t quite so bad until my futile attempts to clean it up. All I did was make a bigger mess and burn my fingers.


Then a new question occurred to me... what setting do I use to iron a blue shop towel? It isn't silk - but cotton is like 3 dots! That is going to get too hot right? All I need is to start a fire!! (This is a true story folks - I am not embellishing for your entertainment.) I decided to live dangerously and I put it on cotton.


Here I am all set up. I put the paper towel over the wax and the iron is all ready to go. However, if you look closely, you will notice that the iron light is not on. Yes, I had to figure out after I took this picture how to turn the iron on. There are many buttons and I have ADD okay! Give a girl a break!


See Mother, I can iron! I had to take this picture to send to my mom so she knows that 1) I own an iron, 2) I learned to turn it on (just now) and 3) I have used an iron in the last 6 months.


And here is the result. I nice shiny counter top on my bar! Yay!


I would like to take the time here to say not only did I conquer the wax today, I also conquered under the kitchen counter clutter, and last but certainly not least, how to add pictures to a blog entry! *Takes bow*

Random Thoughts and Bitches for 4/10/10

Today has been a day of reflection - don't ask me why. I have just been more aware of my surroundings lately. Maybe it is the concussion - it has opened up my sixth sense. Nah. People just piss me off.

I went to Walgreen's and bought exactly what was on my list (for each and every item I had a coupon) and I was sooo proud of myself. The cashier tells me my total "$20. 16". I am about to slide my card when I realize that can't be right. I mean I spent time and energy searching the paper and cutting out just the right coupons. $20.16 is just too much. So I look up and see my stack of coupons sitting neatly on the counter with the cashier's hand resting on top. Ah ha! So I ask, "Did you take off my coupons?" and she replied, "What coupons?"

WTF?!? - what coupons?!? The coupons I handed you that put in a neat pile UNDER YOUR FUCKING HAND. Of course I did not say that out loud (even though I wanted to). Instead I kindly said, "you know those pieces of papers under your hand with the pictures on them? Those coupons." She said, "Oh these" and then started scanning them.... yes. good. Dumb ass.

Then she tried to tell me that I couldn't use a Walgreen's ad coupon with a Manufacturer's Coupon. I said I could she said I couldn't (yes we did go back and forth a few times... I felt like I was talking to a 5 year old). I finally asked kindly (but less kindly than before) to speak to the manager. She said, "The manager will tell you what I am telling you"... really? So being the witty bitch that I am said "Let him tell me then."

Of course I was right (as I always am) and I ended up saving 13.00 off my purchase.

Then I go across the street to Sonic. MMM! I got my daily Dr.Pepper (well technically my 4th for the day but who's counting?) and my BF an Oreo Blast.

Now picture this. I am parked in the stall DIRECTLY outside the front door. The carhop, who is on skates, has to skate (slowly) around the lot to the wheelchair ramp for the patio and then skate back to my car.... wait. Something is terribly wrong with this picture!

I am pretty sure that the purpose of skating to deliver food is for speediness. But having to skate out of her way to deliver two drinks - well lets just say it wasn't that speedy. So I had to ask why she did it. She said she wore skates because another carhop told her she got more tips in skates, but that she doesn't really know how to skate that well (no shit). She smiled at me. I did not give her a tip. Normally I would - and maybe it makes me a bitch (although I am sure that isn't the only reason) - but I figure if she is too dumb to realize the reason the other girl got the tip was because she delivered food FASTER on the skates, then she was too dumb to spend my dollar wisely.

Although now looking back, maybe she could've spent my dollar on skating lessons!

Becoming a Coupon Queen

BF and I went to Quizno's for a quick dinner before he went to Relay for Life. Of course we had to pay separately so that we could both use a coupon. I mean why pay full price when you can get a dollar off and/or get free chips and soda? When we sat down to eat we realized we just had 2 subs 2 drinks and a bag of chips for less than 10bucks!

He said he is going to make me a t-shirt that says "Retail Price - What does that even mean?" or "That's why they call it manufacturer's suggested retail price".

We then ran into Target because I needed a light bulb for my desk lamp. I got 2 of the floresent bulbs (MSRP 5.94) and a the new Woman's Day Magazine (MSRP 2.99) for 5.23 after tax thanks to my coupons.

Beware manufactorers.... I am just getting started!

Mental Health Day

1:44 PM by pthsmonkey 1 comments
Today I decided (on my way to work) that I would call in and ask if I could take the day off. My boss (who happens to be the guy I shack up with) told me I could - this is a vast improvement over the passive aggressive responses that I got yesterday.

So I went to the salon inside the my friendly (not really) neighborhood Wal-Mart and got my eyebrows waxed (OUCH!) and my hair cut. I was very surprised at the fact that the stylist who did my eyebrows took her time and actually "sculpted" them. They look fantastic - I have great eyebrows *grins*

Then I went to Ulta and got the Nyx pallette I have been longing for. I can't wait to play in my new make-up. Now I am about to go have dinner with my BF before he leaves for Relay for Life tonight.

Don't ya just love when things go the way they should?

P.S. - It is not too late to donate to our Relay for Life event tonight. Go to http://main.acsevents.org/goto/jrkeller and donate a few bucks to help support the American Cancer Association!

Emotional Days

Have you ever had one of those days where you ran the gamut of all emotions known to man? I had one of those today. If you have never had one let me describe the way it goes:

I woke up pissed off. I didn't sleep well and I was sore from falling asleep on the couch. I was pissed off because: (1) I had to go into work an hour and a half early to meet with a coworker, and (2) I looked around my living room and saw how "untidy" it was. I have a concussion and a splitting headache for about a week now and I am supposed to rest. Yet when I rest, the house falls apart (in just a week mind you).

When BF wakes up and I ask what he has planned for the day to which he responds absolutely nothing. So, living in my utopian fantasy of a perfectly clean house, I say, "so you can help me out around the house a bit". Let me tell you I have NEVER seen a man back pedal so fast in all of my life. Now, he was going to be busy reading articles for work. Hmmm. Pissy continues...

So I get dressed and leave for work (forget make-up today, I care not!). I get in my car and drive for a while, then I have to make a left hand turn. I discover my left blinker is not working. So I call my dear BF and ask him if he could change it. He politely (yet passive aggressively) tells me the directions are in my owner's manual. Thanks babe...

I get to work to discover the person that I got up an hour and a half early for was not there. But I am there in the office. I know I am in a dangerous position. There is no getting away once you get there... you get sucked in. So I think should I got chill in the car - maybe a nap will do me good when my boss comes over and asks, "Can you watch the front desk so that the receptionist can go home?"... Normally no, but the receptionist is pregnant and I am a sucker so sure. But dealing with stupid people when you are already in a really bad mood - without details let me tell you that it is a bad idea.

After a full day's work I go in to tell my boss I am leaving and she informs me that she is sad that I am not coming back next semester. I too am very sad. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. However, driving from College Station to Kingwood every other day (4.5 hours round trip) is just too much for me. It is time I move on - even if I don't wanna. So I start to cry. Emotion number 2.

Then I come home, stick my key in the door, and expect the mess that I left. I open the door and to my surprise, BF has straightened the living room and cleaned the kitchen! (Guess he wasn't that busy after all. Of course it could've been that I hung up on him earlier. Either way he helped me out today). So now I am happy!! Emotion number 3.

I settle down after work on the couch, after taking off the jeans and the bra! I realize just how fricking tired I am. I try to fight it - I mean if I can just hold on a few more hours I can just go to bed early. But then again, I am trying to learn to listen to my body - something the shrink says about knowing my limitations *rolls eyes*. Not being able to do everything I think I should do makes me feel like a weakling. I hate it. Back to sad and pissy.

I go ahead and take the nap and wake up a few hours later (is that even considered a nap? I mean aren't naps like 20 minutes?) and BF says he will cook dinner. The dinner was absolutely fabulous - plus I didn't have to cook it! Back to happy...

A full gamut in less than 12 hours. I am still exhausted and looking forward to the nice comfy bed very soon.

Organizing Coupons... HEADACHE

I am sitting at my desk organizing all my coupons into a pre-made expandable coupon organizer. I do not like the organizer at all - but I can't seem to find anything that I absolutely love to get myself organized. Does anyone have any good ideas? How do you organize yourself to go shopping?

Day One - Part Time House Monkey!

My boyfriend and I will be moving to College Station, TX in a few months so that he can attend Texas A&M to get his Ph.D. We have visited College Station a few times and I can honestly say “I LOVE IT!” Even though I have no doubts about loving our new local – I am a strange mix of excited and scared silly! I mean, grad school is a big deal! Hard work, sacrifice, and dedication – and that is just on my end. He will have a lot more to deal with! I want to make the transition as smooth as possible for the both of us.

In order to pave the way to College Station with calm and serenity, I have decided to take over most of the household chores, in other words I will be a part-time house monkey. I will still have a job, but I will be the one taking care of the home front. This blog will be an account of the triumphs and disasters on our new adventure in Aggieland!